Tales from the Stuffed Fabulist
(social / political)
Once Attila the Hun applied for a position in the administration.
Once a bald eagle found itself turned into a gas-filled parade blimp.
Once some beavers got together to build a dam.
Once a Bigfoot headed straight for the trees.
Once blind men undertook to fabricate an elephant out of a wall, a spear, a snake, a tree, a fan, and a rope.
Once a bloatosaurus was invited to advise the government on energy policy.
Once a bogeyman got rather winded.
Once booklice ate their way right through a display copy of the Constitution.
Once two troops of lowland buffoons squared off on a patch of ground where the Halls of Congress now stand.
Once the bumblebees of this world (Bombus republicanorum) were flying high.
Once a cactus went for the record in achievements by a succulent.
Once a camel called its agent in a panic.
Once canaries were prohibited by Executive Order from dying.
Once a cantipede was hired as the press secretary for a leading political figure.
Once Charon the boatman decided to turn the money down.
Once a cheetah outran its welcome.
Once Church and State hooked up at a singles bar.
Once a coelacanth assumed a leading role in the Culture Wars.
Once a crane passed the examinations to become a diplomat.
Once a crony grew so fat its perch threatened to give way.
Once the crows of Wall Street asked themselves, "Why not have it all?"
Once old Dobbin the workhorse considered the vicissitudes of life.
Once it was thought the dodo had died out.
Once it was suggested that runaway populations of entrepreneurs be culled.
Once an ersatz found itself in everybody's thoughts.
Once the rich really did manage to squeeze through the eye of a needle.
Once a fatted calf suspected something might be up.
Once fear went on holiday.
Once the finches were all very different from each other.
Once the flamingos resolved to make important social issues more chic.
Once a fox came up with a fail-proof entrepreneurial strategy.
Once a gene fell victim to identity theft.
Once a gingerbread man became enamored of its own shape.
Once a gnat was invited to join a political focus group.
Once an old goat nearly overdosed on Viagra.
Once a goose declared it had a mission to accomplish.
Once an 800-pound gorilla wondered if it should go on a diet.
Once a groundhog was coaxed by handlers from its secure underground location to offer its wisdom to the waiting populace.
Once a guinea pig couple received a shocking letter from the fertility clinic.
Once two strains of ivy climbed the Tree of Liberty.
Once the jackals developed attitude.
Once it was proposed that jack-in-the-boxes be held accountable for their actions.
Once a killer smarm invaded an average home in an average neighborhood.
Once the larks agreed to give up their free and happy ways.
Once a set of lawn dwarfs seized control of a grand estate.
Once a leech almost bled to death.
Once a leopard declared it had changed its spots.
Once all the other animals put a lion in a cage.
Once a plague of locusts decided to stay put.
Once the milk of human kindness curdled and turned sour.
Once a monitor lizard came to wield considerable influence at a leading health maintenance organization.
Once a mosquito landed a job waiting tables.
Once a mouse was summoned for jury duty.
Once Narcissus decided to step back from his pond.
Once Nero thought about making a comeback.
Once an ol' cowpoke finally sidled outta town.
Once Congress moved to outlaw the goring of one's own ox.
Once a pack rat resolved to make a little list.
Once a parrot became a bird of renown by mimicking others.
Once Pavlov's dogs suffered from acute dehydration.
Once a pelican was arrested for shoplifting.
Once a great nation adopted petrified wood as its symbol.
Once a phoenix considered having itself embalmed.
Once a possum came to understand how difficult it is to appear dim.
Once a film crew set out to document the march of the pundits.
Once a Pusillanimus democratius got stuck in the mud.
Once quicksand demanded a bonus. And a big one.
Once a raccoon was determined to wash its hands of everything.
Once a rattler stayed out in the sun too long.
Once a rooster missed the dawn.
Once a rubber chicken began to fret that it lacked gravitas.
Once it was proposed that the White House and both wings of the Capitol building be equipped with rubber-lined rooms.
Once a group of saber-toothed cats came upon a tar pit.
Once a scab signed a seven-figure book deal.
Once the scapegoat was hunted nearly to extinction.
Once schadenfreude didn't play the important social function it does now.
Once a seal signed a multimillion-dollar contract to play with balls in public.
Once a shark suffered from bleeding gums.
Once Sisyphus was arrested as a public nuisance.
Once the Environmental Protection Agency sent out skunks to investigate a big stink in the land.
Once the Slough of Despond wondered how it was going to get through the rest of the day.
Once a thick smug spread from sea to shining sea.
Once the wisest judges in the land decided to cut Solomon in half.
Once a squid was assigned the task of inking out passages in top secret documents scheduled for declassification.
Once a squirrel took an animal rights group to court.
Once a stem cell was asked to make a choice.
Once strays terrorized a neighborhood.
Once a flock of swifts struck a wall at high speed.
Once rogue sycophants roamed the land.
Once "time immemorial" ran out.
Once a very large think tank sprang a leak.
Once anthropologists discovered a primitive tribe whose members wore nothing but pieces of their children’s skin.
Once vampire bats came out of their caves by the millions to discharge their civic duty.
Once a vulgarian decided not to crawl up on dry land.
Once a sudden rise in sea level caught a pod of walruses off guard.
Once a warbler couldn't get a song out of its head.
Once water-skippers fanned out across the shallow waters of the Sunday talk shows.
Once a pack of wolves won a defense contract to howl at the moon.
Once a woolly mammoth sensed the world was growing warmer.
Once a xenophobe showed up in the nation's blood supply.
Once a zebra found itself in a herd of black and white horses.
Copyright © 2004-2010 by Geoffrey Grosshans Artwork by J. Savage
(social / political)
The "moral" or "lesson" of each tale is left to the reader to decide.
Scroll through the opening lines and select highlighted text to read a tale in full.
A PDF version can then be downloaded from a link on that page.
If necessary, Adobe Acrobat Reader is available free from www.adobe.com
Once Attila the Hun applied for a position in the administration.
Once a bald eagle found itself turned into a gas-filled parade blimp.
Once some beavers got together to build a dam.
Once a Bigfoot headed straight for the trees.
Once blind men undertook to fabricate an elephant out of a wall, a spear, a snake, a tree, a fan, and a rope.
Once a bloatosaurus was invited to advise the government on energy policy.
Once a bogeyman got rather winded.
Once booklice ate their way right through a display copy of the Constitution.
Once two troops of lowland buffoons squared off on a patch of ground where the Halls of Congress now stand.
Once the bumblebees of this world (Bombus republicanorum) were flying high.
Once a cactus went for the record in achievements by a succulent.
Once a camel called its agent in a panic.
Once canaries were prohibited by Executive Order from dying.
Once a cantipede was hired as the press secretary for a leading political figure.
Once Charon the boatman decided to turn the money down.
Once a cheetah outran its welcome.
Once Church and State hooked up at a singles bar.
Once a coelacanth assumed a leading role in the Culture Wars.
Once a crane passed the examinations to become a diplomat.
Once a crony grew so fat its perch threatened to give way.
Once the crows of Wall Street asked themselves, "Why not have it all?"
Once old Dobbin the workhorse considered the vicissitudes of life.
Once it was thought the dodo had died out.
Once it was suggested that runaway populations of entrepreneurs be culled.
Once an ersatz found itself in everybody's thoughts.
Once the rich really did manage to squeeze through the eye of a needle.
Once a fatted calf suspected something might be up.
Once fear went on holiday.
Once the finches were all very different from each other.
Once the flamingos resolved to make important social issues more chic.
Once a fox came up with a fail-proof entrepreneurial strategy.
Once a gene fell victim to identity theft.
Once a gingerbread man became enamored of its own shape.
Once a gnat was invited to join a political focus group.
Once an old goat nearly overdosed on Viagra.
Once a goose declared it had a mission to accomplish.
Once an 800-pound gorilla wondered if it should go on a diet.
Once a groundhog was coaxed by handlers from its secure underground location to offer its wisdom to the waiting populace.
Once a guinea pig couple received a shocking letter from the fertility clinic.
Once two strains of ivy climbed the Tree of Liberty.
Once the jackals developed attitude.
Once it was proposed that jack-in-the-boxes be held accountable for their actions.
Once a killer smarm invaded an average home in an average neighborhood.
Once the larks agreed to give up their free and happy ways.
Once a set of lawn dwarfs seized control of a grand estate.
Once a leech almost bled to death.
Once a leopard declared it had changed its spots.
Once all the other animals put a lion in a cage.
Once a plague of locusts decided to stay put.
Once the milk of human kindness curdled and turned sour.
Once a monitor lizard came to wield considerable influence at a leading health maintenance organization.
Once a mosquito landed a job waiting tables.
Once a mouse was summoned for jury duty.
Once Narcissus decided to step back from his pond.
Once Nero thought about making a comeback.
Once an ol' cowpoke finally sidled outta town.
Once Congress moved to outlaw the goring of one's own ox.
Once a pack rat resolved to make a little list.
Once a parrot became a bird of renown by mimicking others.
Once Pavlov's dogs suffered from acute dehydration.
Once a pelican was arrested for shoplifting.
Once a great nation adopted petrified wood as its symbol.
Once a phoenix considered having itself embalmed.
Once a possum came to understand how difficult it is to appear dim.
Once a film crew set out to document the march of the pundits.
Once a Pusillanimus democratius got stuck in the mud.
Once quicksand demanded a bonus. And a big one.
Once a raccoon was determined to wash its hands of everything.
Once a rattler stayed out in the sun too long.
Once a rooster missed the dawn.
Once a rubber chicken began to fret that it lacked gravitas.
Once it was proposed that the White House and both wings of the Capitol building be equipped with rubber-lined rooms.
Once a group of saber-toothed cats came upon a tar pit.
Once a scab signed a seven-figure book deal.
Once the scapegoat was hunted nearly to extinction.
Once schadenfreude didn't play the important social function it does now.
Once a seal signed a multimillion-dollar contract to play with balls in public.
Once a shark suffered from bleeding gums.
Once Sisyphus was arrested as a public nuisance.
Once the Environmental Protection Agency sent out skunks to investigate a big stink in the land.
Once the Slough of Despond wondered how it was going to get through the rest of the day.
Once a thick smug spread from sea to shining sea.
Once the wisest judges in the land decided to cut Solomon in half.
Once a squid was assigned the task of inking out passages in top secret documents scheduled for declassification.
Once a squirrel took an animal rights group to court.
Once a stem cell was asked to make a choice.
Once strays terrorized a neighborhood.
Once a flock of swifts struck a wall at high speed.
Once rogue sycophants roamed the land.
Once "time immemorial" ran out.
Once a very large think tank sprang a leak.
Once anthropologists discovered a primitive tribe whose members wore nothing but pieces of their children’s skin.
Once vampire bats came out of their caves by the millions to discharge their civic duty.
Once a vulgarian decided not to crawl up on dry land.
Once a sudden rise in sea level caught a pod of walruses off guard.
Once a warbler couldn't get a song out of its head.
Once water-skippers fanned out across the shallow waters of the Sunday talk shows.
Once a pack of wolves won a defense contract to howl at the moon.
Once a woolly mammoth sensed the world was growing warmer.
Once a xenophobe showed up in the nation's blood supply.
Once a zebra found itself in a herd of black and white horses.
Copyright © 2004-2010 by Geoffrey Grosshans Artwork by J. Savage