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The Stuffed Fabulist on Air

Scroll through the opening lines and select highlighted text to hear streamed or mp3 audio versions of the tales. New audio will be added as tales are podcast on "The Stuffed Fabulist on Air." For full podcast versions (including introductions suggesting the original context for each tale), enter the url in the podcast program of your choice. The most recent 100 podcasts are also available through iTunes.
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12/31/16 Once a pair of wood ducks grew old together.
12/29/15 Once a robot took its pet human for a walk in the park as usual.
12/26/15 Once the Department of Homeland Security was finally compelled to raise the gasbag threat level to "IMMINENT."
12/28/14 Once a bubble took itself very seriously.
12/31/13 Once a glutton for life dreamed of swallowing the whole world.
12/29/13 Once a scorpion experienced a moment of compassion.
12/28/13 Once a potato thought it heard a voice.
12/27/13 Once the Spirit and the Flesh were forced to undergo relationship counseling.
12/26/13 Once a trilobite had the distinct feeling it was being watched.
12/23/13 Once there was considerable uncertainty about the exact location of "Harm's Way."
12/21/13 Once great flocks of hornswoggles swept out from their swamp, and the rest is history.
12/19/13 Once an immense green fungus, Campaignaria greenbackae, spread across the land.
12/15/13 Once a hallucination sensed the good times were coming to an end.
12/13/13 Once topiary animals took the shears to themselves.
01/01/13 Once a newborn struggled with post-partum depression.
12/31/12 Once a radioactive isotope couldn't wait to reach the end of its first half-life.
12/28/12 Once a cicada emerged from seventeen years underground to find little had changed.
12/26/12 Once cut-out dolls took over a social networking site.
12/22/12 Once a brood of little chickies fell in love with the sound of their own voices.
12/20/12 Once dots chafed at all the efforts made to connect them.
12/18/12 Once a barnacle weighed the moral pros and cons of moving on.
10/21/12 Once Pinocchio was determined to ride his gift for wooden mendacity all the way to the top of the political pile.
10/05/12 Once drones lawyered up by the thousands.
09/23/12 Once a pawn tried to size up the board.
09/18/12 Once a chicken and an egg nearly came to blows over which should go first.
12/30/11 Once an immortal seriously considered calling it quits.
12/26/11 Once a bloodhound lost its sense of smell.
12/23/11 Once a mudskipper got bogged down.
12/19/11 Once a sardine was feeling kind of lonesome.
12/16/11 Once a horse leapt the fence and ran up and down the land.
12/10/11 Once a Big Lie considered demanding equal time.
09/18/11 Once a country mouse found itself the envy of a city mouse.
08/29/11 Once a jellyfish got caught in the riptides of the mind.
08/12/11 Once a corpse in a wildly popular "Bodies Exhibition" had some things to say about the crowd before it.
07/27/11 Once a wacko fell right off the ceiling.
12/28/10 Once a foxhound began to have second thoughts about chasing the fox.
02/08/10 Once an aardvark was set on writing a book.
12/19/09 Once a withered tree was having some trouble looking on the brighter side of life.
10/10/09 Once a film crew set out to document the march of the pundits.
09/20/09 Once "the great god Pan" rolled over and declared, "I'm not dead yet, folks. Not quite."
08/08/09 Once Hercules awoke in a sweat.
07/19/09 Once Charon the boatman decided to turn the money down.
07/06/09 Once large parts of the globe fell victim to flesh-eating bacteria.
06/14/09 Once a molehill came to fear it might not reach its full potential.
06/01/09 Once a possum came to understand how difficult it is to appear dim.
05/20/09 Once a Gene fell victim to identity theft.
05/12/09 Once the Zeitgeist felt a bit confused.
05/04/09 Once a stone wondered whether it should say something.
04/27/09 Once a civet cat worried about body odor.
04/21/09 Once a rattler stayed out in the sun too long.
04/05/09 Once a metronome hypnotized itself.
03/29/09 Once a pushmi-pullyu was invited to appear on public television.
03/20/09 Once Jonathan Swift tried out for a stand-up comedy show.
03/08/09 Once a scab signed a seven-figure book deal.
03/01/09 Once a badger had a drug problem.
02/19/09 Once a crane passed the examinations to become a diplomat.
02/03/09 Once quicksand demanded a bonus. And a big one.
01/27/09 Once wearing your heart upon your sleeve was all the rage.
01/18/09 Once Church and State hooked up at a singles bar.
01/11/09 Once an ol' cowpoke finally sidled outta town.
01/04/09 Once laughter was the only thing that kept a body going.
12/27/08 Once the last Neanderthal looked out from the mouth of a cave, lost in thought.
12/17/08 Once a dung beetle had intimations of immortality.
12/07/08 Once a free spirit stubbed its toe.
11/27/08 Once a robot created an artificial human being.
11/18/08 Once a snowflake was told there had never been a snowflake like it. Ever.
11/09/08 Once a pelican was arrested for shoplifting.
11/01/08 Once a killer smarm invaded an average home in an average neighborhood.
10/12/08 a Once fruit fly developed a short-lived interest in genealogy.
9/28/08 Once a raccoon was determined to wash its hands of everything.
9/21/08 Once a tree fell in the forest when nobody was around to hear.
9/14/08 Once the Seven Deadly Sins formed a support group to buck up their spirits.
9/07/08 Once "time immemorial" ran out.
8/31/08 Once a crow sat on a branch and contemplated the condition of man.
8/24/08 Once a salmon broke the surface of the water and kept right on going.
8/18/08 Once a whale beached itself in a furniture showroom recliner.
8/10/08 Once a lone wolf found itself longing for the company of strangers.
8/03/08 Once the Hydra noticed its heads were growing smaller and disappearing one after another.
7/27/08 Once a navel started gazing back.
7/21/08 Once a snake tried to pull on each of its discarded skins again, all the way back to the year of its birth.
7/13/08 Once a pride of lions gathered at a much-touted restaurant called "Top of the Food Chain."
7/06/08 Once it was proposed the question mark be declared obsolete.
6/29/08 Once an old goat nearly overdosed on Viagra.
6/23/08 Once a vulture learned to feel good about itself.
6/15/08 Once a hare felt the need to win at all costs.
6/08/08 Once a monkey took up the painting of horses.
5/25/08 Once reports came in that a misanthrope had been spotted on the outskirts of town.
5/18/08 Once a praying mantis excelled at conducting grief-andvictim interviews on TV.
5/11/08 Once Nero thought about making a comeback.
5/04/08 Once Narcissus decided to step back from his pond.
4/27/08 Once Sisyphus was arrested as a public nuisance.
4/13/08 Once fear went on holiday.
4/06/08 Once a warbler couldn't get a song out of its head.
3/30/08 Once a flock of swifts struck a wall at high speed.
3/23/08 Once it was suggested that runaway populations of entrepreneurs be culled.
3/16/08 Once a guinea pig couple received a shocking letter from the fertility clinic.
3/09/08 Once a mink tried on a sable coat.
3/01/08 Once a bug threw itself at a windshield with gusto.
2/24/08 Once a rooster missed the dawn.
2/17/08 Once a Doppelgänger wondered what it would be like if . . .
2/10/08 Once a lemming went online to get a life.
2/03/08 Once a glob of mud reflected on its state.
1/27/08 Once a gingerbread man became enamored of its own shape.
1/20/08 Once the Sphinx just got tired of it all.
1/13/08 Once the bumblebees of this world (Bombus republicanorum) were flying high.
1/13/08 Once a Pusillanimus democratius got stuck in the mud.
1/06/08 Once the good citizens of Delphi decided they’d had enough of Aesop.
12/30/07 Once an octogenarian hesitated over the last entry in a crossword puzzle.
12/23/07 Once a spider set to work on its last web of the year.
12/16/07 Once an old dog decided there wasn't much point in learning new tricks.
12/09/07 Once an elephant longed to stop remembering.
12/02/07 Once a missing link chose to ignore the scientific evidence.
11/25/07 Once the Slough of Despond wondered how it was going to get through the rest of the day.
11/18/07 Once a shaggy dog spent every afternoon retracing the path it had taken that morning and collecting any tufts of its fur to be found.
11/11/07 Once a weak ego signed up for the trial offer of a home gym.
11/04/07 Once a swan turned into an ugly duckling.
10/28/07 Once a migratory bird stopped by the local travel agency.
10/21/07 Once a panther was well aware of the spell it cast over all who came to the zoo.
10/14/07 Once a boa constrictor made no excuses for being enamored of itself.
10/07/07 Onca a leaf had a premonition of fall.
09/30/07 Once an ophthalmologist had some good news and some bad news for a dragonfly.
09/23/07 Once it was thought the dodo had died out.
09/16/07 Once somebody failed to clean out the lint trap at the bottom of a black hole.
09/09/07 Once a hummingbird worried about its personal space.
09/02/07 Once a sanctamander cut off its own tail.
08/26/07 Once a vegetable slipped into a persistent human state.
08/18/07 Once the Chimera had a difficult time filling out the compatibility profile of an online matchmaking service.
08/11/07 Once old Dobbin the workhorse considered the vicissitudes of life.
08/04/07 Once schadenfreude didn't play the important social function it does now.
07/29/07 Once a porcupine went in for body piercing in a big way.
07/21/07 Once a great nation adopted petrified wood as its symbol.
07/15/07 Once the larks agreed to give up their free and happy ways.
07/07/07 Once the rich really did manage to squeeze through the eye of a needle.
07/01/07 Once a sacred cow worried about its fan base.
06/24/07 Once a stem cell was asked to make a choice.
06/17/07 Once a gnat was invited to join a political focus group.
06/10/07 Once Orpheus tried to reconstruct exactly what happened.
06/02/07 a Once xenophobe showed up in the nation's blood supply.
05/26/07 Once some beavers got together to build a dam.
05/20/07 Once a goose declared it had a mission to accomplish.
05/13/07 Once a slice of Swiss cheese had a thought.
05/06/07 Once a homing pigeon lost its sense of direction.
04/29/07 Once the Environmental Protection Agency sent out skunks to investigate a big stink in the land.
04/23/07 Once Congress moved to outlaw the goring of one's own ox.
04/15/07 Once a shark suffered from bleeding gums.
04/08/07 Once a roadrunner feared it was running out of road.
04/01/07 Once a fatted calf suspected something might be up.
03/27/07 Once the nation's rumor mills came very close to violating EPA guidelines.
03/19/07 Once a set of lawn dwarfs seized control of a grand estate.
03/13/07 Once an ersatz found itself in everybody's thoughts.
03/04/07 Once a cantipede was hired as the press secretary for a leading political figure. (repodcast)
02/25/07 Once, determined to improve lackluster ratings, a cable news and opinion show signed up two gargoyles.
02/16/07 Once all creatures great and small demanded anonymity before speaking to the press.
02/06/07 Once a leopard declared it had changed its spots.
01/29/07 Once a squid was assigned the task of inking out passages in top secret documents scheduled for declassification.
01/17/07 Once a bevy of little twittering birds sat on a wire.
01/08/07 Once a hawk had trouble maintaining eye contact.
12/28/06 Once a tortoise realized its time was drawing nigh.
12/18/06 Once a parrot became a bird of renown by mimicking others.
12/09/06 Once a poodle took up ballroom dancing.
11/27/06 Once a chipmunk looked down when it should have looked up.
11/15/06 Once a clam aspired to being an oyster.
11/04/06 Once Attila the Hun applied for a position in the administration.
10/25/06 Once a crony grew so fat its perch threatened to give way.
10/17/06 Once Pavlov's Dogs nearly died from acute dehydration.
10/07/06 Once a satyr set himself up as a lifestyle coach.
09/27/06 Once an 800-pound gorilla wondered if it should go on a diet.
09/19/06 Once a phoenix considered having itself embalmed.
09/09/07 Once a pair of cuckoos worried about their parenting skills. (podcast)
Once a pair of cuckoos worried about their parenting skills. (NPR Archives audio)
09/02/06 Once an amoeba went to a psychotherapist.
08/24/06 Once a camel called its agent in a panic.
08/17/06 Once a butterfly fell in love with a moth. (podcast)
Once a butterfly fell in love with a moth. (NPR Archives audio)
08/08/06 Once an ephemera, the creature of a day, thought it had all the time in the world.
07/28/06 Once Icarus went for a swim.
07/10/06 Once a fox came up with a fail-proof entrepreneurial strategy.
07/03/06 Once vampire bats came out of their caves by the millions to discharge their civic duty.
06/26/06 Once the jackals developed attitude.
06/15/06 Once all the crabs signed a contract of amorous intent.
06/07/06 Once it was widely believed prunes grew on trees.
05/24/06 Once a bogeyman got rather winded.
05/15/06 Once a cat read the obituary on its eighth life.
05/08/06 Once a flock of buzzards became the star attraction at a felony trial.
04/30/06 Once a chameleon found it could change the color of anything it touched.
04/22/06 Once a pig had mixed feelings about the heart valve it was about to donate to an ailing human.
04/16/06 Once a gazelle found itself in a state of suspended animation.
04/09/06 Once a rhinoceros noticed it had a bruise.
04/02/06 Once a very large think tank sprang a leak.
03/27/06 Once anthropologists discovered a primitive tribe whose members wore nothing but pieces of their children’s skin.
03/20/06 Once a rubber chicken began to fret that it lacked gravitas.
03/15/06 Once a bullfrog was urged by many to become their guru.
03/09/06 Once an ostrich and an emu chanced to lay eyes on one another.
02/26/06 Once a mole and an owl shared a soul.
02/17/06 Once a pack of wolves won a defense contract to howl at the moon.
02/08/06 Once booklice ate their way right through a display copy of the Constitution.
02/01/06 Once it was proposed that jack-in-the-boxes be held accountable for their actions.
01/28/06 Once Prometheus investigated the merits of canned heat.
12/31/05 Once a pack rat resolved to make a little list.
12/24/05 Once a caterpillar reached the edge of a leaf and paused to consider what might lie ahead.
12/19/05 Once a hamster took an animal rights group to court.
12/03/05 Once a bull opened a china shop.
12/07/05 Once cows went mad, certifiably mad.
11/29/05 Once a bear attracted quite a following in faith-based wrestling.
11/26/05 Once a mosquito landed a job waiting tables.
11/22/05 Once a pit bull refused to go for the throat of every other dog in the world.
11/19/05 Once two troops of lowland buffoons squared off on a patch of ground where the Halls of Congress now stand.
11/15/05 Once a booby and a loon were hired to host a talk-radio show.
11/11/05 Once an armadillo came across a tattered tabloid with the headline "Psychic Warns, World to End!!!"
11/08/05 Once a monitor lizard came to wield considerable influence at a leading health maintenance organization.
11/04/05 Once it was proposed that the White House and both wings of the Capitol building be equipped with rubber-lined rooms.
11/01/05 Once an ant and a grasshopper crossed paths after being out of touch for years.
10/28/05 Once the Minotaur decided to take its labyrinth with it wherever it went.
10/21/05 Once a beast-within spent a lot of time licking its wounds.
10/18/05 Once a bloatosaurus was invited to advise the government on energy policy.
11/13/05 Once a cantipede was hired as the press secretary for a leading political figure.
10/07/05 Once a leech almost bled to death.
10/01/05 Once a lab rat had a pre-existing condition.
09/29/05 Once the scapegoat was hunted nearly to extinction.
09/24/05 Once rogue sycophants roamed the land.
09/21/05 Once a sheep rented a wolf suit.
09/15/05 Once the wisest judges in the land decided to cut Solomon in half.
09/11/05 Once a bald eagle found itself turned into a gas-filled parade blimp.
09/08/05 Once a thick smug spread from sea to shining sea.
09/02/05 Once a sunflower lost its bearings during a total eclipse.
08/31/05 Once a tapeworm readied itself for the latest stop on its motivational speaking tour.
08/27/05 Once a unicorn lost its horn trying to make a career change.
08/23/05 Once blind men undertook to fabricate an elephant out of a wall, a spear, a snake, a tree, a fan, and a rope.
08/21/05 Once the milk of human kindness curdled and turned sour.

Copyright © 2004-2018 by Geoffrey Grosshans           Artwork by J. Savage