The "moral" or "lesson" of each tale is left to the reader to decide.
Scroll through the opening lines and select highlighted text to read a tale in full.
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Once an amoeba visited a psychotherapist.
Once a beast-within spent a great deal of time licking its wounds.
Once a bird of paradise answered a personal ad in a highbrow singles magazine.
Once a boa constrictor made no excuses for being enamored with itself.
Once a butterfly fell in love with a moth.
Once a Chimera had a difficult time filling out the compatibility profile for an online matchmaking service.
Once a young clam aspired to being an oyster.
Once crabs signed a contract of amorous intent.
Once an octogenarian hesitated over the last entry in a crossword puzzle.
Once a pair of cuckoos devoted a great deal of thought to their parenting skills.
Once a Doppelgänger wondered what life would be like if . . .
Once a dormouse dreamed of winning the lottery.
Once an elephant was conflicted about remembering.
Once a foxhound began to have second thoughts about chasing the fox.
Once a fruit fly became obsessed with genealogy.
Once a gazelle found itself in a state of suspended animation.
Once a gene fell victim to identity theft.
Once a grub listened to its inner child.
Once a hare was driven by the need to win at all costs.
Once there was considerable uncertainty about the precise location of "Harm's Way."
Once Heracles awoke drenched in sweat.
Once an elderly homing pigeon began to lose its sense of direction.
Once a hummingbird worried about its personal space.
Once a radioactive isotope couldn't wait to complete its first half-life.
Once jackals developed attitude.
Once a jellyfish got caught in the riptides of the mind.
Once a lemming went online to get a life.
Once a lone wolf felt a yen for the company of strangers.
Once a mink tried on a sable coat.
Once the Minotaur decided to take its labyrinth with it wherever it went.
Once a molehill came to worry it might not reach its full potential.
Once Narcissus decided to step back from his spring.
Once the last Neanderthal looked out from the mouth of a cave, lost in thought.
Once a nightcrawler was tracked down by the thought police.
Once an old dog decided there wasn't much point in learning new tricks.
Once Orpheus tried to understand exactly what happened.
Once an ostrich and an emu chanced to lay eyes on one another.
Once a robot took its pet human for a walk in the park as usual.
Once a porcupine went in for body piercing in a big way.
Once a proboscis monkey paid a visit to a plastic surgeon.
Once a ram butted its head against one stone wall too many.
Once a rhinoceros noticed it had a bruise.
Once a roadrunner feared it was running out of road.
Once schadenfreude didn't play the important social function it does now.
Once a selfie failed to recognize itself.
Once a shaggy dog spent every afternoon retracing the path it had taken since morning and collecting any tufts of its fur to be found on something it had brushed against.
Once a sheep rented a wolf suit.
Once a slug suffered from severe stress.
Once a snake tried to draw each of its discarded skins on again, all the way back to the first.
Once a squirrel took an animal rights group to court.
Once a snowflake was told it was unique.
Once a swan turned into an ugly duckling.
Once a tapeworm readied itself for the latest stop on its motivational speaking tour.
Once topiary animals took the garden shears to themselves.
Once a pair of turtledoves wondered where they'd gone wrong.
Once a vulture learned to feel good about itself.
Once a warbler just couldn't get an annoying song out of its head.
Once a weak ego signed up for the trial offer of a home gym.
Once a pair of wood ducks grew old together.
Once a woodpecker suffered from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
Copyright © 2004-2020 by Geoffrey Grosshans Artwork by J. Savage