Tales from the Stuffed Fabulist
(social / political)
Once Attila the Hun applied for a government position.
Once a bald eagle found itself turned into a parade blimp.
Once some beavers got together to build a dam.
Once a Big Lie considered demanding equal time.
Once two troops of lowland buffoons squared off on a patch of ground where the Halls of Congress now stand.
Once a cactus went for the record in lifetime achievements by a succulent.
Once canaries were prohibited from dying in mines by executive order.
Once a cantipede was hired as the press secretary for a high-profile politician.
Once Charon the boatman decided to turn the money down.
Once a chicken and an egg nearly came to blows over which of them should go first.
Once a brood of little chickies fell in love with the sound of their own voices.
Once Church and State hooked up at a singles bar.
Once a coelacanth assumed a leading role in the Culture Wars.
Once a crane passed the examinations to become a diplomat.
Once a well-feathered crony grew so fat its perch threatened to give way.
Once the crows of Wall Street asked themselves, "Why not have it all?"
Once old Dobbin the workhorse mulled the vicissitudes of life.
Once it was thought the dodo had died out.
Once drones lawyered up by the thousands.
Once an ersatz found itself in everybody's thoughts.
Once a rich man managed to squeeze through the eye of a needle, followed by another rich man, and another after that.
Once fear went on holiday.
Once finches were all very different from each other.
Once a flock of flamingos resolved to make important social issues more chic.
Once a fox came up with a fail-proof entrepreneurial scheme.
Once the Department of Homeland Security felt compelled to raise the political-gasbag threat level to "IMMINENT."
Once an immense green fungus, Campaignaria greenbackae, spread across the land.
Once a gene fell victim to identity theft.
Once a gingerbread man became enamored of its own shape.
Once a gnat was invited to join a political focus group.
Once an old goat nearly overdosed on ED pills.
Once an 800-pound gorilla wondered if it should go on a diet.
Once a groundhog was coaxed by handlers from its secure burrow to offer its wisdom to a waiting crowd.
Once there was considerable uncertainty about the precise location of "Harm's Way."
Once great flocks of hornswoggles swept out from their swamp, and the rest is history.
Once a horse leapt the fence and ran up and down the land.
Once jackals developed attitude.
Once it was proposed that jack-in-the-boxes be held accountable for their behavior.
Once a killer smarm invaded an average home in an average neighborhood.
Once larks agreed to give up their free and happy ways.
Once a set of lawn gnomes seized control of a grand estate.
Once a leech almost bled to death.
Once a leopard declared it had changed its spots.
Once all the other members of the animal kingdom put a lion in a cage.
Once a plague of locusts decided to stay put.
Once the milk of human kindness turned rancid.
Once a monitor lizard wielded considerable influence at a leading health maintenance organization.
Once a mosquito landed a job waiting tables.
Once a mouse was summoned for jury duty.
Once Narcissus decided to step back from his spring.
Once Nero thought about making a comeback.
Once a pack rat resolved to make a little list.
Once a parrot became a bird of renown by mimicking others.
Once Pavlov's dogs nearly died of acute dehydration.
Once a pelican was arrested for shoplifting.
Once a robot took its pet human for a walk in the park as usual.
Once a great nation adopted petrified wood as its symbol.
Once a phoenix considered having itself embalmed.
Once a possum came to realize how difficult it is to appear dim.
Once a film crew set out to document the march of the pundits.
Once a rattler stayed out in the sun too long.
Once a rooster overslept the coming of dawn.
Once a rubber chicken began to fret that it lacked sufficient gravitas.
Once a group of saber-toothed cats came upon a tar pit.
Once Sasquatch headed straight for the trees.
Once the scapegoat was on the verge of being hunted to extinction.
Once schadenfreude didn't play the important social function it does now.
Once a seal signed a multimillion-dollar contract to play with balls in public.
Once a shark suffered from bleeding gums.
Once Sisyphus was arrested as a public nuisance.
Once the White House sent out a surfeit of skunks to investigate a big stink in the land.
Once a noxious smug spread from sea to shining sea.
Once the wisest judges in the land decided to cut Solomon in half.
Once a squid was assigned the task of inking out passages in top secret government documents scheduled for declassification.
Once a squirrel took an animal rights group to court.
Once a stem cell was asked to make a choice.
Once stray dogs terrorized an entire neighborhood.
Once a flock of swifts hit a wall at high speed.
Once herds of sycophants roamed the earth.
Once the expiration date on "time immemorial" came and went, but few noticed.
Once a very large think tank sprang a leak.
Once anthropologists discovered a primitive tribe whose leaders wore nothing but pieces of their children’s skin.
Once a trilobite had the distinct feeling it was being watched.
Once vampire bats came out of their caves by the millions to discharge their civic duty.
Once a vulgarian decided not to crawl up on dry land and stay there for good.
Once a wacko fell right off the ceiling.
Once a sudden rise in sea level caught a pod of basking walruses off guard.
Once a warbler just couldn't get an annoying song out of its head.
Once water-skippers fanned out across the shallow waters of the Sunday talk shows.
Once a pack of wolves won a Department of Defense contract to howl at the moon.
Once a woolly mammoth sensed the world was growing warmer.
Once a xenophobe showed up in the nation's blood supply.
Once the self-described “greatest yak in history” took a vow of silence.
Once a young zebra found itself in a herd of black horses and white horses.
Copyright © 2004-2024 by Geoffrey Grosshans Artwork by J. Savage
(social / political)
The "moral" or "lesson" of each tale is left to the reader to decide.
Scroll through the opening lines and select highlighted text to read a tale in full.
A PDF version can then be downloaded from a link on that page.
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Once Attila the Hun applied for a government position.
Once a bald eagle found itself turned into a parade blimp.
Once some beavers got together to build a dam.
Once a Big Lie considered demanding equal time.
Once two troops of lowland buffoons squared off on a patch of ground where the Halls of Congress now stand.
Once a cactus went for the record in lifetime achievements by a succulent.
Once canaries were prohibited from dying in mines by executive order.
Once a cantipede was hired as the press secretary for a high-profile politician.
Once Charon the boatman decided to turn the money down.
Once a chicken and an egg nearly came to blows over which of them should go first.
Once a brood of little chickies fell in love with the sound of their own voices.
Once Church and State hooked up at a singles bar.
Once a coelacanth assumed a leading role in the Culture Wars.
Once a crane passed the examinations to become a diplomat.
Once a well-feathered crony grew so fat its perch threatened to give way.
Once the crows of Wall Street asked themselves, "Why not have it all?"
Once old Dobbin the workhorse mulled the vicissitudes of life.
Once it was thought the dodo had died out.
Once drones lawyered up by the thousands.
Once an ersatz found itself in everybody's thoughts.
Once a rich man managed to squeeze through the eye of a needle, followed by another rich man, and another after that.
Once fear went on holiday.
Once finches were all very different from each other.
Once a flock of flamingos resolved to make important social issues more chic.
Once a fox came up with a fail-proof entrepreneurial scheme.
Once the Department of Homeland Security felt compelled to raise the political-gasbag threat level to "IMMINENT."
Once an immense green fungus, Campaignaria greenbackae, spread across the land.
Once a gene fell victim to identity theft.
Once a gingerbread man became enamored of its own shape.
Once a gnat was invited to join a political focus group.
Once an old goat nearly overdosed on ED pills.
Once an 800-pound gorilla wondered if it should go on a diet.
Once a groundhog was coaxed by handlers from its secure burrow to offer its wisdom to a waiting crowd.
Once there was considerable uncertainty about the precise location of "Harm's Way."
Once great flocks of hornswoggles swept out from their swamp, and the rest is history.
Once a horse leapt the fence and ran up and down the land.
Once jackals developed attitude.
Once it was proposed that jack-in-the-boxes be held accountable for their behavior.
Once a killer smarm invaded an average home in an average neighborhood.
Once larks agreed to give up their free and happy ways.
Once a set of lawn gnomes seized control of a grand estate.
Once a leech almost bled to death.
Once a leopard declared it had changed its spots.
Once all the other members of the animal kingdom put a lion in a cage.
Once a plague of locusts decided to stay put.
Once the milk of human kindness turned rancid.
Once a monitor lizard wielded considerable influence at a leading health maintenance organization.
Once a mosquito landed a job waiting tables.
Once a mouse was summoned for jury duty.
Once Narcissus decided to step back from his spring.
Once Nero thought about making a comeback.
Once a pack rat resolved to make a little list.
Once a parrot became a bird of renown by mimicking others.
Once Pavlov's dogs nearly died of acute dehydration.
Once a pelican was arrested for shoplifting.
Once a robot took its pet human for a walk in the park as usual.
Once a great nation adopted petrified wood as its symbol.
Once a phoenix considered having itself embalmed.
Once a possum came to realize how difficult it is to appear dim.
Once a film crew set out to document the march of the pundits.
Once a rattler stayed out in the sun too long.
Once a rooster overslept the coming of dawn.
Once a rubber chicken began to fret that it lacked sufficient gravitas.
Once a group of saber-toothed cats came upon a tar pit.
Once Sasquatch headed straight for the trees.
Once the scapegoat was on the verge of being hunted to extinction.
Once schadenfreude didn't play the important social function it does now.
Once a seal signed a multimillion-dollar contract to play with balls in public.
Once a shark suffered from bleeding gums.
Once Sisyphus was arrested as a public nuisance.
Once the White House sent out a surfeit of skunks to investigate a big stink in the land.
Once a noxious smug spread from sea to shining sea.
Once the wisest judges in the land decided to cut Solomon in half.
Once a squid was assigned the task of inking out passages in top secret government documents scheduled for declassification.
Once a squirrel took an animal rights group to court.
Once a stem cell was asked to make a choice.
Once stray dogs terrorized an entire neighborhood.
Once a flock of swifts hit a wall at high speed.
Once herds of sycophants roamed the earth.
Once the expiration date on "time immemorial" came and went, but few noticed.
Once a very large think tank sprang a leak.
Once anthropologists discovered a primitive tribe whose leaders wore nothing but pieces of their children’s skin.
Once a trilobite had the distinct feeling it was being watched.
Once vampire bats came out of their caves by the millions to discharge their civic duty.
Once a vulgarian decided not to crawl up on dry land and stay there for good.
Once a wacko fell right off the ceiling.
Once a sudden rise in sea level caught a pod of basking walruses off guard.
Once a warbler just couldn't get an annoying song out of its head.
Once water-skippers fanned out across the shallow waters of the Sunday talk shows.
Once a pack of wolves won a Department of Defense contract to howl at the moon.
Once a woolly mammoth sensed the world was growing warmer.
Once a xenophobe showed up in the nation's blood supply.
Once the self-described “greatest yak in history” took a vow of silence.
Once a young zebra found itself in a herd of black horses and white horses.
Copyright © 2004-2024 by Geoffrey Grosshans Artwork by J. Savage